Care is shared, but not always equally

Most parents want to share childcare fairly, but studies show that old habits, cultural expectations, and practical barriers often get in the way.

Flexible work doesn’t always mean equal care.
A 2025 study found that even when both parents use flexible working, mothers still tend to cover the bulk of daily childcare tasks like school runs or staying home when kids are sick. This “flexibility paradox” shows how flexible jobs can end up reinforcing old patterns.

Shared Parental Leave is rarely taken up.
Economists from Bath and Cardiff (2024) found that only 5% of fathers and 1% of mothers eligible for Shared Parental Leave actually use it. The main barriers weren’t lack of interest, but low pay and workplace cultures that still see care as “mum’s job.”

The hidden mental load falls harder on mothers.
A 2025 study measuring the “mental load” of childcare: planning, organising, remembering, found that women feel more emotionally drained and responsible for coordinating care, even when time spent with children is fairly equal.

“We really do try to share it. But it’s like there’s a blueprint in our heads that keeps pulling us back into old patterns.”
Father of two, Glasgow

“He wants to help and does! But I’m still the one who notices when we’re out of nappies or that Thursday’s a half-day at school.”
Mother of one, Leicester

“It wasn’t about blame. It was about realising we’d never actually sat down and talked about what fair really looks like.”
Parent, London

Many dads are stepping up and want to do more. But families are often navigating generations of built-in assumptions: about who remembers the packed lunch, who cancels work, who’s “on call” emotionally. This isn’t just about tasks it’s about how responsibility is recognised and shared.

Opening up this conversation can strengthen relationships, ease resentment and let both parents show up in ways that reflect their values.

It takes time. But naming the imbalance is part of rebalancing it.

Ask each other, “What’s something I carry that might be invisible to you and what might you be carrying that I’ve overlooked?”. This creates space for mutual understanding, not accusation.

Pick one element of care, like managing wraparound care, tracking school emails, or packing bags, and fully hand it over to your partner for one month. Ownership, not just assistance, builds balance.

Think of childcare like a backpack. In many families, one person ends up carrying more not because the other doesn’t care, but because they haven’t stopped to redistribute what’s inside. Fairness starts with seeing what’s being carried, and by whom.

This insight is part of our report, More Than Care, where you can explore the full set of insights.