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Thinking It Through: Family and Friend Care
A tool to help you clarify what you want and need before talking to someone about informal childcare.
When relatives or friends help with childcare, it can be a gift full of love, trust, and connection. But it can also get tricky. Maybe you’re worried about overstepping, relying on someone too much, or things not being quite right but feeling hard to raise. Before you have a conversation, it’s worth taking a few moments to get clear on how you really feel.
This tool helps you check in with yourself before involving someone you care about in childcare decisions.
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Reflection prompts
Use these on your own on a walk, in a notebook, or even in your head. You don’t need perfect answers. You just need to start where you are.
What’s the arrangement right now or what kind of help am I hoping for?
(One-off support, regular cover, short-term help during a gap?)What’s driving this request or conversation?
(A schedule change, cost pressure, trust concerns, desire for connection?)What feels important to me about this kind of care?
(E.g. emotional safety, cultural values, flexibility, affordability, relationship with the child?)What worries me about asking or continuing?
(Over-reliance, resentment, unclear boundaries, tension between family roles and care roles?)What would a ‘good’ arrangement look like for everyone involved?
(Think about routines, communication, flexibility, appreciation, exit plans.)What kind of conversation would feel respectful and open for them, and for me?
(What tone do you want to set? What needs to be made clear?)
When you're ready
Use our Let’s Talk: Family and Friend Care guide to help you start the conversation in a clear, kind, and collaborative way.